My Independent Child

Easter Dress Up

The independent child, what exactly does that mean? To any parent that has one it means frustrating screams of “I can do it myself” and “leave me alone”. It can mean watching in frustration as your child struggles to do something and as a good parent you know you have to let them but it can be absolute torture not to help.    

 

Then there’s the half independent, half dependent child. Most likely this is the baby of the family. It’s the little one who so desperately wants to be like one of the big kids and the baby at the same time. You know the type. She screams the “I can do it myself” but the minute you walk away it’s “mommy help me” with tears rolling down her face.

I have a half in half child. She is lovingly dubbed as the one with multiple personality disorder. In the blink of an eye she goes from being the big kid to the baby I once rocked to sleep. So needy and dependent one minute so strong and on her own the next.  Not only is she the baby but she also was born with a rare genetic heart defect. Add that detail into the everyday battles we parents face with letting our children grow up and you can imagine the wars that get waged.

My daughter is so strong and full of life. The doctors dubbed her a fighter and they couldn’t have been more right. She has fought since the day she was born. First for her life and now for her independence. As the baby she fights for her place in the family. Every day she stands out from the rest. She is fearless and fearful all at once. She’s the first to try something new and the first to stand on her own. She Is never afraid to stand up for herself even if that means telling me off.   

I watch my daughter grow and have such a hard time letting her grow. I want to shelter and protect her from everything that could hurt her. I want to keep her my baby forever. As a mom of four others I know I need to nurture that independence in her. I can’t help it if I prefer the needy side of her. She is my last to leave the baby stage and all I want to do is kiss the boo boo’s for just a while longer.

For all the parents of the half in half’s I applaud you for letting them grow up. I applaud you for having the patience and understanding to let your child find themselves. It takes strong parents to nurture their babies into successful children and adults. Remember though that no matter how old they get they are still your babies.

Conceiving Baby

First of all let me say how sorry I am to the person that wanted this topic. As so many lives do mine got too busy to even be able to write. I have no excuses other than that for why I haven’t been here. Please forgive and know that I am back to help on any subject matter.

On to the subject of fertility and conception. I do have five children as stated in my bio. That does not however make me an expert on the subject of fertility. It makes me lucky and blessed. I am hoping though that I can at least help in this department somewhat.

I only tried to get pregnant with one of my children. The other four were completely unexpected but joyfully received. My four- year old was quite a challenge though. My husband and I had tried and tried for almost three years to conceive her. I saw the doctor’s and had tests terrified that my fertility was lost forever. I was reassured by the doctor that everything was fine but still skeptical. When I am less then sure about a situation I ask questions. Below are some of the answers I received.

1.     Conception can be delayed due to diet and weight. If a person is underweight or overweight ovulation can be sporadic and unreliable. In my case I was slightly overweight. She suggested modifying my diet and aiming to lose just ten pounds.

2.    Smoking, Recreational Drugs and Alcohol can all inhibit fertility. This applies to both men and women. Nicotine can reduce egg supply and lower sperm count. THC is known for lowering a man’s sperm count to almost nothing depending on how often it is used.

3.    “Allergy to Partner”. This one through me for a loop but evidently not everyone is compatible for reproduction. Mother nature has its own natural selection. It was described to me as a type of protection method for birth defects. I have to say I didn’t believe it at first but am now convinced.

4.    Stressing about getting pregnant. Another mythical element to conception. I do think there is some truth to it though. Any stress will make it harder to get pregnant. As most women know stress does crazy things to our cycles. When you stress about pregnancy it’s twice as bad. Not only is there the physical aspect but also that let down when it doesn’t happen. Relax and enjoy the benefits of trying!

When trying to conceive remember that it takes time. There are testing kits you can buy in the pharmacy that can help you predict ovulation better. They are effective but pricey. If you are trying to get pregnant a health and dental screening should be done right away. You want to resolve any health issues prior to pregnancy to insure a healthy happy pregnancy. It’s no fun having a tooth ache while pregnant since most procedures and med’s are off limits.

Diet should also be considered. Folic acid is a much needed nutrient during pregnancy for a healthy baby. Orange juice that’s fortified with folic acid is helpful. Green leafy veggies are very high in this nutrient. Calcium is also a nutrient you want to start stocking up on. Eating healthy now sets the stage for pregnant health eating. Remember pregnancy is not an excuse to eat whatever you want. You still have to lose the weight after baby.

The most important thing to remember when trying for baby is you are not allowed to blame yourself! Blame has no room in this area of life. Conception can happen naturally or with help. No one is allowed to think they are less of a person because they can’t do it on their own. This only fuels self doubt and low self confidence. Remember you are beautiful no matter how you acquire baby; whether it be natural conception, medical intervention or adoption and surrogacy. The most important thing is that you love yourself and baby!

Wanting Information!

This post is strictly for anyone who may want to know more on a subject. Ask me questions . I will address any needs and concerns.  Anything you want to know this is the place to ask it!!! No topic will be shyed away from.

Hurray For Dad’s!

A lot of my opinions and tips come from being a mom and all they have to deal with and accomplish. Mothers are multi-taskers, managers, cooks, personal assistants and much more. As a stay at home Mom who used to work I have respect for both sides of the issue; but that I will address in another post. How about all the hands on dads though? I really feel that they don’t get the recognition they deserve. I decided that if I could do nothing else with this blog then at least Icould provide that. 

My husband is a hands on dad! He was there to rock when the colick got too bad. He’s never shyed away from dirty diapers, even at their worst. He’s been known to become the human jungle gym just to give me some peace. He has creative ways of dealing with issues like potty training and sibling rivalry. Not to mention all the not so dad things he’s done for me when I couldn’t. A trip to the drugstore to buy a breast pump comes to mind. From coaching little league to making time for daddy – daughter dates he is truly a partner in the parenting project.

I’d like to also address those single dads out there. Single moms get a lot of attention from media and the like for all they do to care for there childen. You rarely hear about the sacrifices these dads make to do the same. There are many of you out there that seem not to get noticed for what you do; to you I say Hurray and keep plugging.

Co -parenting is also a situation you don’t hear much about unless it’s what the moms go through. Don’t get me wrong there are a lot of deadbeat dads that don’t step up. There are also the dads who care enough to send the check, show up for visitation and be a part of their kids life. These dad’s could have taken the easy route like a lot have done in the past but didn’t. They need to get the credit they deserve.

So Mom’s take notice of the daddy’s in your life. Thank them for being the great fathers they are. They need to hear it too. Gone is the time when mom cared for the kids and dad only had to bring home the bacon. Dad’s today realize that being involved is crucial to a childs mental and physical well being. The next time dad offers to give you a break, let him. His way may not be the same as yours but trust me it’s probably just as good.

The Inevitable

First a little background info. My oldest daughter was born to me at a young age. I was just three years older then she is now when I had her. I was not fully able to grasp the responsibilty there is to raising a child at the tender age of 16. I loved her dearly but realized very soon that what she needed was stability and that i could not offer her this. I did the smartest thing I could and let my parents adopt her. They could give her what she needed and this way i would still be able to be a part of her life.

This brings me to the inevitable. My parents have decided to move away from the town we all live in to be closer to my Father’s job. The distance isn’t far but for me it feels like a lot farther. With four more kids at home even leaving our house to go to the store becomes a chore. The idea that she will be 2 hours away instead of a few blocks is a hard thing to swallow.

My Mother and I have not had the best of relationships. Especially where my daughter is concerned. Reily knows who her mom is and the complete background on her life. The adoption was completely open and even allowed for me to have her visit. She has a relationship with her siblings and calls me mom as well. This has not been an easy thing for my mom. She has always tried to keep us at arms length and even seemed to enjoy the fact that our relationship was strained. Over the last year Reily and I have gotten closer. We have bonded and become friends even. My mother is controlling and can’t stand that we have a relationship. She doesn’t like that we talk and makes that apparently clear.

I can certainly understand how she feels. She has spent the last 13 years raising, loving and caring for her and she is afraid that I will replace her and all that she has done. I don’t blame her for feeling this way. I have done everything in my power to try and reassure her but to no avail. She allows me to be a part of her life but tries to “poison the well” in the process. This puts Reily in a difficult position and leaves me feeling like I have no ground to stand on.

I have spent years living by her rules just to keep the flow of communication open for my child and me. Trying to keep the peace and make everyone happy. I think I had dillusions that someday this would pay off for me in the end. When I found out they were moving it was like my world was shattered. I am left feeling betrayed by my own actions and regretful of the past. I am scared that the hard work I have done will be lost and have meant nothing. How do I love her but yet respect the person who has cared for her this long. I never let go and now I have no choice.

They move this weekend and I have still not come to terms with my emotions. I feel like I am grieving over something lost. I have been promised with frequent visits and realistically I know this is possible, but my heartache won’t allow me to really accept this. Only time can determine the inevitable future.

This is my child, Yet she is not mine-

My flesh and blood, but their sweat and tears-

She caries my genes, Yet will be shaped by their

personalities-

She lives strong in my heart, but her heart

feels for them-

She lives in my fantasies, my dreams.

Yet she’s their dream come true, their beautiful

and precious reality-

 

 

I gave her life, with which she made theirs whole

I learned so much to love her, that I let her go-

My child, their child it doesn’t make sense,

Yet at the same time-

My child, my dream for her to have better, then I

could give,

Their child, their dream, to give her better then

I could give,-

My child, so painful, the hurt caused by her

leaving so much grieving,

Yet a world full of happiness in their receiving.

© Heather Corcoran-Schneider